I think it’s safe to say I’m own love with my best friend.
its crazy how i can’t be myself around him anymore.
i just need to get over it so we can actually be close again.
He let me borrow a couple shirts for my interview today.
Is it weird I can smell his scent on these shirts? It makes me want him more but I know i still can’t. August 1st is when his boyfriend moves away and they break up. Am I a bad person or wanting it to come faster, but I can’t take things further with him until probably the end of the year because… Yeah… It’s gonna be a while…
it’s really bad on how much i like him.
i felt safe in his arms, i forgot all of my problems, and i just didnt care.
i miss that feeling so much, it’s killing me. every night has gotten longer lonelier. i want to go back to that night.
i was coming home from my friends house today, and she likes girls.
my dad picked me up, and asked me if she was a lesbian, because i have mentioned it before, and i told him yea. he then said he was sorry for her. his reason being, she caught the gay disease.
the gay disease.
the whole car ride home, he tried to convince me this disease was real and his friend from his childhood caught it before. a block away from home, i couldnt take it and i got out of the car and walked the rest of the way. how am i supposed to come out to my parents eventually with and ignorant though process like that.
im A, and im 17 years old.
On March 27, i fell for a guy. the first time i felt like i was loved by someone. the first time i felt safe in someone’s arms and could’ve died happily. it was honestly perfect.
but that was just the start of a long list of problems.
since then i’ve accepted the fact that i like guys and girls. it’s been a roller coaster of emotions, but im getting by. the only people who know were everyone that were with us that night, and a handful of other people, so it’s still lowkey.
and i really like this particular person a lot. (lets call him F) it sucks because i don’t know if he even feels the same about me. we’re in the same group of friends now, and according to our other friends, they definitely see something there. but this guy is in a relationship with someone else. he’s been with him since winter, so im in that awkward position where i want to pursue this, but i cant because of the boyfriend, (who we will call J). to make things worse, i became really good friends with the boyfriends sister, (before this whole fiasco started). i want to talk to F about everything that went down that night, but i can’t. if i talk to him, it might break his relationship with J even more, and if i don’t im stuck in this position.
J is graduating this year, and they’ve talked about splitting after he goes away to college, but i dont know how to feel about being a 2nd option i guess. i really like him a lot, and i know he cares for me too, but right now im the other guy.
this is my story, and it blog should remain anonymous until the right now
